As much as I would like to be still, the opportunity has yet to present itself. I have been resistant to my surroundings, because I sense the need to proceed with caution. I thought perhaps after my cancer scare, things would fall into place and I would regain some momentum – however, that has not happened. I still find myself carefully listening, cautiously moving forward. I’ll be honest…because I am unsure of what lies ahead, I am somewhat leery of what waits for me but I know regardless of where my life path leads me, I must commit myself to whatever awaits. I made a promise to myself that I would not be afraid of where my journey leads me and I deserve more from myself than basing my decisions on fear.

I do not know when I will no longer feel the need to be cautious but I will remain committed to my plans. I will not allow these whispers to stop me because I know that whatever life throws my way… I have what it takes to pull myself through, whatever the situation may be. I may be experiencing my cautionary whispers, but I am still here and I am still moving forward. If you find yourself proceeding with caution, don’t allow it to hinder your plans, just slow your pace and listen to what your whispers are telling you.

For the past few months I have been trying to adjust to certain circumstances. I lost a dear friend in August of 2011. Up until that point, there was never a big moment I didn’t share with my friend in the 17 years that I knew her. I wanted to share an entry about how amazing she was, only no words or description can do her memory justice. It became too painful for me to write… and even now I find sharing her loss with all of you difficult but I know in order for me to move past my pain of losing my friend, I have to let go… and I honestly don’t know how to do it. How do you let go of someone who was there for you for so many years? All the great laughs and heartaches we shared; all the milestones and setbacks we helped each other through; all the stories that were told… my heart aches at the reality of her not being here anymore. I miss my friend so, so much… and I still cry. I don’t know how to move past the sadness, and to be honest – a part of me doesn’t want to because in that sadness lies the memory of my friend.

The past six months have been a time of reflection for me. It’s been a time of readjusting and learning to live my life without her. I suppose this entry serves as a form of acceptance because now I am finally realizing my friend is gone. I am finally realizing she will never call, text or email me – nor reply to any of my Facebook posts. As heartbreaking as this is for me, I do know that I have been tremendously blessed to have met one of the most incredible persons on this planet…. and I was fortunate to have been called her friend.

Bern… if you are floating around somewhere… just know that I miss you… I always appreciated you – always…

A few weeks ago, it was the game Quell. Unfortunately for me, I passed the game fairly quickly… so my Quell addiction didn’t last for too long. If I become addicted to a book – I can’t put it down until I finish it. I have been known to read entire books in a few days… a week if the book has a lot pages. When I learn something fascinating, I will pull up as much information as I could on the topic. It’s almost like an obsession with me in a way. I have a difficult time not acting on my urges. I suppose the good news is that I don’t have the type of urges that would be harmful to me. I do not use drugs or have a drinking or gambling problem, but addictive tendencies are not healthy, or are they?

I posed the question to myself last night after noticing that maybe I was spending too much time playing Words with Friends or on Facebook constantly. Last night as I spent time alone, I realized the first thing I do when my alarm goes off in the morning is check my FB page instead of cuddling up with my husband for a minute longer. I never noticed how often I am on Facebook until last night. Like many of you, I have instant access to it through my cell, Kindle, laptop or computer. I am never without any of my devices – ever! It made me wonder how one day without any of my devices would be.

I have to be honest and say I think I could maybe last a few hours before I would start experiencing withdrawal symptoms… and I am not saying this lightly or with disregard to those who have substance abuse problems, because I know what it’s like to be addicted to drugs and alcohol. This is an honest admission that I am uncomfortable with my inability to go a whole day without any electronic devices that connect me online. In fact, I am so uncomfortable with it that I deactivated my Facebook account this morning. Yes – I am no longer anyone’s FB friend.

I don’t want to feel like I am not in control of any part of life – so if me disconnecting from social networks or playing less Words with Friends… or reading a book at a slower pace, then that’s what I’m willing to do to help me overcome my tendencies. I have kids that are watching – and for that alone I need to be more responsible in every aspect. I’m not saying Farmville, Sims, Mafia Wars or Frontierville are evil… and if you do want to know if I ever got addicted to these games… the answer is yes!  I’m just saying for my comfort… I need to detox. I am not saying goodbye to Facebook forever because I’m sure I’ll be back and when I do come back… it will be on my terms and with control!

Deactivating Facebook may be a baby step, but at least it’s a step in the right direction for me. Remember… this year for me is all about Persistence and Determination… and I am determined to be a better person and take control!

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I seem to have two very different ways of handling my life. I either isolate myself or throw myself out there for everyone to see. Well, this past circumstance I encountered, I found myself turning inward with no one to lean on but it wasn’t for a lack of wanting. I desperately wanted to let others know but knew that if I did, I would cause unnecessary worry but now that the dust has settled and my hand of cards has been played (in this case), I will finally share that 2012 looked like a year I was going to perhaps start off with cancer. My post on Persistence and Determination served more as a reaffirmation to myself that no matter what would happen – no matter what news I received, I would stare it down with persistence and determination.

I had developed a strange growth on my breast. I went to my doctor and had a biopsy performed. I was told I would receive a call either stating there were no cancer cells or be referred to a dermatologist for treatment. As scared as I was, I never admitted my fear to my husband or my parents but I did reassure them that no matter what the outcome was we needed to trust everything was going to be okay.

To say that my thoughts were consumed by all the ‘what if’s’ would be a gross understatement. I thought of everyone who has cancer – all those lives that are lost each and every year. I thought about the families who endure watching their loved one(s) fight for their life. I thought of my own sister who only two years ago was in that same battle herself. We never know how our lives can change… whether it be from cancer or not. This circumstance made me realize how fragile we can be at any given moment – and how strong and determined we have the ability to be when facing scary situations. All some of us know how to do is fight back – without being told. Although we are not guaranteed victory – we continue to fight… but for what? What is it that I am fighting for? What is it that you are fighting for? We all strive for something – but I am still unclear on what it is I continue to fight through and for what?

A week later, I received the phone call and was told there were no cancer cells. No cancer – not this time. I was so relieved and thankful I received good news. I know I was one of the lucky one but for some reason I keep asking myself what now?

The holidays are over and my everyday life seems to be falling back into place. Like many of you, I am embarking on 2012 as a new starting point in my life. I have been contemplating on the things I would like to accomplish and conquer this year. I wish I could share my goals but to be honest, I haven’t really gotten to that just yet… but I do plan on finding the time to do so (hopefully sooner than later). The funny thing about this is even though I don’t quite have my goals and resolutions in place, I do know that I want this year to be more about Persistence and Determination.

I may not have decided on what my goals for this year are, but the one thing I am still learning (and trying to apply) is that in order to be successful,  I must be persistent. I am not a big fan of the word persistent – because I am somewhat inconsistent (okay mostly inconsistent), but not for a lack of effort. I do try but I am one of those individuals who hates having to do something over and over and over again – everyday. I am more “the one who does what they feel at the time” kind of person. I really am, and I know that in order to make some headway in my life, I need to discipline myself more and I can only do it with Persistence and Determination. I believe it’s never too late for changes, especially if it will make me a better person!

I have been working on it and I would like to end this post by sharing a quote from Calvin Coolidge that I am going to be using as a motivational mantra.“ Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” – Calvin Coolidge

How about you? What are your wishes for this new year? What do you want from yourself this year? Whatever it is, I hope you accomplish it with Persistence and Determination!

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I would like to thank everyone for stopping by and reading my entries. This blog has been a blessing – and to know that there are people out there reading makes it all worth it, and I hope that you continue to come back.

I will resume my blog in January, 2012 – so if you would like to subscribe… I encourage you to do so! Have a great holiday… I hope you find yourself in peace in your life – and if you are still searching, don’t give up – because like I have always said… you are bound to run into it! Happy Holidays to you!

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Have you ever felt a little anxious about periods in your life? Do you have doubts about what you really want from yourself? I hope so. Sometimes I feel like I am all alone with my thoughts and usually I am pretty good at reassuring my mind that everything will be okay – but not this time. For some reason I feel as if I am treading on unfamiliar territory.

Only time will tell – it never disappoints nor does it wait, so I here I sit… just me and time. I realize this will be the first year I share for anyone to see. Whether it’s a good or bad thing – only time will tell. I guess I should say thank you to all those who have come across my blog…who knows, maybe this coming year I will understand a deeper meaning for my blog – only time will tell… regardless of what life unfolds, at least I know I am not alone

I would like to start off with my mom… who always taught me that I could do anything I put my mind to. She may not have chosen the path herself, but it never stopped her from empowering me to dream big or work hard. My mom never gave up on me – ever. She taught me that a parent is never perfect; and although we will make mistakes…making mistakes doesn’t mean giving up. My mom is the reason why I stand tall and am able to look up without feeling ashamed. My mom is the reason why I don’t pretend to be who I am not… and I will forever be grateful for those lessons.

My dad… he taught me that hard work pays off. He taught me that you must be ready to improvise, adapt and overcome any obstacle that comes your way. My dad taught me that it’s important to care about those less fortunate. He taught me that even though life gets tough or when situations look impossible – you must always have faith that God will see you through. My father has taught me that you must sometimes make sacrifices for your family… and I will forever be grateful for those lessons.

My brothers and sisters… they taught me that laughter will always be the bind that ties us together. If there is one thing we do right, laughter is it (especially my sisters Liz and Alix)! We may not always talk or see each other… but don’t think you can get away with criticizing any of us without feeling the sting of fierce loyalty. Even though we fight and complain, it won’t stop us from protecting one another. I have learned to love and appreciate all my brothers and sisters … and I will forever be grateful for those lessons.

My husband and I before we got married 2000

My husband… what has he not taught me? He taught me what it means to love. He taught me that not everyone is as fortunate and not everything is as it seems. I have learned through my husband that it’s okay to be sensitive and vulnerable. He is teaching me that it’s important to show appreciation in the little things. He also teaches me that you must sometimes fight for what’s important. My husband isn’t perfect, but neither am I. I love him very much and I just want him to be happy in everything that he does. He taught me that having a good family doesn’t make you a good parent. Even though my husband was raised without a father, you would never know by the way he is with our kids. He’s such a great dad, and I will forever be grateful for those lessons.

My kids…they taught me unconditional love. My heart aches when I am away from them for more than a few hours. Every time I see my kids, the heavens part. I never knew I was capable of being a good parent until I had my kids. I never knew what it meant to be responsible for someone until I had my babies. My children made me a better person. They added a depth to life I never knew existed. Not one day goes by where I regret having them. I only hope and pray I am here long enough to see them grow into themselves without fear or intimidation. I absolutely adore my babies and I will forever be grateful for those lessons!

I can only hope I had a small part in touching the lives close to me. I can only hope my parents, siblings, husband and children can look back at me and in some way thank me for making a difference in their lives. I can only hope they realize how much I love them. I can only hope one day my kids will understand and appreciate the lessons I am trying to teach them, but in the meantime I will forever be grateful for their lessons!

Love is such a small word with such an enormous meaning. To love someone or something draws out that innate devotion inside us. When we love, we declare it without thinking twice. Our love drives us to act beyond what we would normally not do for anyone else. Our ability to shower our love on someone is assurance we found it.

Love is such a wonderful thing! How much more wonderful would it be if we were to love ourselves the way we love others? Loving ourselves for who we truly are is what should make our soul crawl out from its hiding place. Loving ourselves enough to embrace who we are at the core is above all; the greatest thing you can do in your life because when we know love firsthand, it’s easy to love on those around us. We may not have a love parade following us around every where we go, but if we love ourselves – we don’t have to go around trying to squeeze the living love out of anyone. If we fail to love ourselves, we fail to place value in who we are. If you cannot value yourself, then why would you think anyone else would?

You may think no one loves you or that you don’t matter. You may have experienced feeling unwanted – but it doesn’t mean that you are not loved. We may not experience love the way we define it, but it doesn’t mean it you are not deserving. You are just as deserving as anyone else. Accept and love yourself for who you are… it may not be much at first, but hey – love is love!

]]> http://leslieannvarela.wordpress.com/2011/11/16/above-all-love/feed/ 0 leslieannvarela Yellow love MP900438521 http://leslieannvarela.wordpress.com/2011/11/09/understanding-the-importance-of-honest-effective-communication/ http://leslieannvarela.wordpress.com/2011/11/09/understanding-the-importance-of-honest-effective-communication/#comments Thu, 10 Nov 2011 07:35:57 +0000 Leslie Ann Varela http://leslieannvarela.wordpress.com/?p=566 Continue reading »]]> “The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives” - Anthony Robbins

My whole week has focused on the importance of communication. I had a conversation earlier today, so I feel compelled to discuss my thoughts and belief on the importance of effectively communicating with one another. There are a few things I know to be true:

Communication is such a simple concept – in fact we do it all the time. Most of our communication is actually non-verbal, yet we sometimes fail miserably in our lives because we lack the ability to effectively communicate. How many people do you know have suffered a failed marriage, lost a relationship with a child or parent, have difficulty keeping a job or continue to struggle in life because of the inability to communicate?

We cannot expect to reap the benefits of communication if we don’t practice it. Where in our history has there been a successful person who has lacked the ability to communicate? We cannot inspire people if we do not know the basics of communication. Do not limit or give yourself excuses for not knowing how to communicate. Your life does nothing but get better when you truly understand the importance of communication. Once you understand that communication is a responsibility, you will open up new doors in your life.

How much of an impact do you want your life to make in the lives around you? How successful do you want your life to be?  How do the people in your life define you by your ability to communicate? Don’t think that because you have a whole lot to say means anything. Do not misinterpret honest, effective communication… because chances are there will be those who are able to see past the gibberish. A used car sales man can only be heard for a certain amount of time before being seen for who they really are.

Don’t live your life trying to sell yourself off for something you know you are not. You deserve more than that. I believe you are worth more than that. Take time to look inward to see if this is an area you need to improve. Make your life count … don’t let it suffer because of a lack of communication. Learn to be great in all areas of your life because you never know whose watching. We have the opportunity to impact those around us by how we communicate with them – so why not impact them in a positive way?