Enlightenment

The Process of Healing & Forgiveness

When I was 19 years old, a gentleman by the name of Craig Jensen read this scripture during a staff meeting.He became emotional as he read the scripture… as if each sentence had a deeper meaning than the previous. By the time he finished, tears ran down his face and he was barely able to speak. I remember sitting there seeing him break down but I didn’t understand why. Craig was diagnosed with stomach cancer and had undergone chemo. We all knew the physical toll it took on him – but I was too young to understand what how it affected him spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Craig was in remission for a few years before the cancer came back. Unfortunately he passed away not long after and it’s not until now do I truly understand what he was saying.

Although 15 years have gone by, I finally understand Craig. What Craig was sharing was the scriptures Matthew 5:3-10 is the process for healing and forgiveness. I know it may not seem like that for you… but let me share with you what Craig came to understand during his battle with cancer. During his bout with cancer, Craig said he found forgiveness for both him and God… and the Beatitudes helped him understand his process.

When you are in a place of hurt and sorrow – you are poor in spirit… and only when your spirit is in a broken state do you mourn.

 When we mourn from our the deep parts of ourselves, we reach for an understanding higher than ourselves – many of us reach out for God through prayer and scripture… and it’s only at this stage of hurt can we truly acknowledge our state of brokenness. I am not sure if you ever found yourself in a state of brokenness but it’s not an easy place to be. If you have ever seen a loved one go through a difficult period, its heart wrenching. Unfortunately not everyone gets over their brokenness… not everyone sees the light in their darkness, but if you are one of the fortunate ones – if you find even the smallest amount of strength to pull yourself out – all you want to do is overcome so you never have to experience your darkness again (Whether it be illness, drug/alcohol use, a bad marriage or relationship) and we become empowered to change… this is the moment we hunger and thirst for righteousness.

When we thirst and hunger after righteousness… we make a conscious decision to hold ourselves accountable for our actions – and this is where forgiveness comes in. We cannot hold ourselves consciously accountable if we are unwilling to forgive ourselves or those that have hurt us.

How do we know when we have forgiven? We know we have forgiven when we are able to understand and can be merciful for the shortcomings of others. We are able to see the person behind the problem…

What happens when we are able to see past the problem and see the person? What happens when we see a need? We want to help – because it’s the right thing to do. We find ourselves acting from the heart – in love and pure understanding.

When we open ourselves to that unconditional love and understanding, we understand the importance of not becoming a part of a problem – but rather a solution. We understand that we are to be called to compliment and built up instead of criticizing and tear down.

Not everyone will agree – not everyone will embrace us for standing up for what we believe to be true… but that’s okay. We may not be able to influence everyone around us but we will draw to us who God intends. You may be criticized, you may be scorned but only we know what God put in our hearts in our darkest hour…. And as long as you are following your heart, living your life authentically and know you have been healed and forgiven… God will open the doors up to a beautiful existence.

What a beautiful lesson God revealed to Craig. I am so grateful he was able to share it with me – even though it took me 15 years to understand.

Seeing “It”

Several months ago, I wrote Getting My Vision On. I was reminded of that post when I had an installer come into my place of work to quote the cost of installing surveillance cameras. During his assessment, he emphasized the importance of placing each camera in the perfect spot. He said “If you can see the camera… the camera can see you.” Even though he was talking about the placement of the cameras, what he said hit a more personal note with me.

Our lives may not be filled with mounted cameras to capture the way we move around our lives and see what we are missing, but we can capture images of ourselves the way we would like our lives to be in our minds. Ever since, I keep hearing what that gentleman said and I find myself repeating every now and then “If I can see ‘it’, ‘it’ can see you.” What are your ‘its’ in life? What is it that you want for yourself that you haven’t yet obtained?

I want to encourage you to revisit your goals regularly and ask where are you now to achieving them? Where do you see your life now compared to a year ago… a month ago… or a few months ago? It’s important to consistently check-in because if we don’t, we loose sight of where we want to be. I spent too much time not knowing what I wanted or where I wanted to go in life because of my inability to foresee my future.

Allow yourself to experiment with different methods for manifesting your thoughts into reality. You wanna know what I do? I actually do a few different things. One of my methods is a”Think Board.” On there I placed pictures, words, thoughts and symbols of what I want to manifest. Some of the things I have on there are pictures traveling, a new place to live, a picture that shows me saving money, a picture that reminds me to stay calm under stressful circumstances, etc. I have written things like “Yes I can!”, “Blessings”, “Achievement”, “Love”, “Forgiveness”, “Thank You Lord!”.

The title I have on my board is ‘Think on Positive These Things’. Of course I have many other things on my board, but I try to take time every day to look at all that is there and I pray upon those things and see myself achieving my goals. I also write down what I want in a journal and when I accomplish what I desire, I check it off and write about my experience. I do admit, I only started doing it this year but I have already felt the effects of making sure I place what is important in front of me every day to remind me to keep moving forward and keep working hard no matter what.

I want to encourage you not to give up or feel discouraged if you are unsure what you want. You may not know where you want your life to be and that’s okay. My advice is to start somewhere first and let your life come to you. Understand your life priorities change as you move through life – but when you allow yourself the freedom of asking yourself what you want, everything will start to unfold the way God intended, even if you’re unsure what those things are. Remember, if you can see your future… your future can see you!

Difficult Relationships: The True Reason

We all have them in our lives: Difficult Relationships…the type of relationships where we feel we are constantly on egg shells around the other person or persons. Discussing difficult relationships is necessary, no matter how uncomfortable the topic can be.

I feel the need to speak on this topic only because managing difficult relationships play a major part in striving for a peaceful existence. It isn’t easy moving through life or hurdling personal obstacles when we also have to work around relationships that may not be ideal. I am not here to point fingers or expose relationships that are challenging to me, I want to mention it because sometimes acknowledging is half the battle.

Here are some things I have learned:

• It takes two people to either agree or disagree.
• There are usually more than two points of view in every situation.
• Arguing over who is right or wrong rarely fixes anything.
• Sometimes we have to accept not all relationships will mend.
• We cannot change how another person feels about us.
• Worrying about these difficult relationships robs you of your self-worth.
• We cannot allow difficult relationships dictate our happiness.
• We can either choose to be the victim of a difficult relationship or choose to be responsible for our part.

One of the biggest things I have learned; As much as we would like to believe we are not to blame… that is untrue. We are all responsible (no matter how big or small) when there is a disagreement. If you are someone who always questions why you seem to be a magnet for difficult relationships – the best place to start looking is within.

What I have discovered about myself is I had difficult time forgiving. My refusal to completely forgive caused me to act out negatively towards certain people. When you hold on to a grudge long enough – you start to associate your grudge (or your resentment) towards that person. The longer you hold on to your grudge, the deeper your resentment grows. It’s a pretty sad process to go through because we allow our emotions distort the truth and lose out on our own happiness.

Another thing I struggled with was learning how defensive I was. I was so defensive (and can still be) about everything. If you have challenging relationships, notice how defensive you are in those relationships. If you are wondering if you are defensive or not… ask yourself this: Do you constantly criticize and judge? Do you find it difficult to compliment? How about being supportive?

If mending your difficult relationship is important to you, you must start with yourself. We can only fix what we are responsible for but we cannot fix what we did not do. I have spent a lot of my time apologizing to people. I am not perfect… and I have made a lot of mistakes. If they choose not to forgive me, I have to move on. I don’t mind being told I hurt someone or said something offensive… but I have also learned I can neither allow anyone to constantly blame me for everything wrong in their lives.

If there is an offense made by someone, let the other person know. Most of the time people don’t realize they offend us. I have learned not everyone is malicious – sometimes we are just overly sensitive because we have experienced the same offense from someone else – but we cannot assume everyone knows where our hurts lie.

If we express we are offended and the person continues to make the same offense… then we need to make the decision to either distance ourselves or cut ties all together. Do not feel the need to constantly place yourself in an unhealthy relationship because we think it’s the right thing to do. It’s never right when someone continually disrespect you. Like I have said many times, you are worth more than that!

We may have to put up with certain people, but we don’t have to view them as being difficult. I believe we can either choose to make our circumstances as easy or difficult as we allow. If you choose to seek out and stay in difficult relationships, then it’s your choice… but know it does not have to be that way. When we make a conscious decision, our relationships become less difficult.  When we consciously choose to change – the universe agrees and the more we open ourselves up to positivity, we also turn the tide in our lives and allow God to bless us with healthier relationships by creating distance from those who do not compliment us.

Ask yourself what is keeping the tide of difficulty in your relationships…only don’t be surprised if you find it from within.

Related articles

• Letting Go Of A Grudge In Three Easy Steps (managebetternow.com)
• How to Have a Healthy Relationship (belledate.wordpress.com)

Forgiveness: Truly Letting Go

We hear the word forgiveness all the time. We are asked to forgive those who do us wrong. We are asked to forgive the shortcomings of others because it’s the “right” thing to do. I’m all for forgiving… especially when I am the one asking to be forgiven but I have learned there is more to forgiveness than simply turning the other cheek.

Not only do I believe we should forgive others because it’s the right thing to do… but to forgive others so we can forgive ourselves. Our level of forgiveness indicates our ability to forgive ourselves.

I am beginning to understand our life … our experiences are created from our perceptions. We interpret the world how we perceive it. I came across a quote recently that said, “We are not victims in a hostile or chaotic universe. It is our thoughts that create our experiences. It is the subconscious mind that is the engineer in that regard, driving our destiny towards success or failure.” – Walter E. Jacobson

The lesson I took from the above quote was this (in regards to forgiveness): The healthier our perceptions, the healthier outlook we have on life. The healthier outlook on life determines our aptitude to forgive. If we do not have a positive, optimistic perception of life then how can we be expected to have the ability to truly forgive? Forgiveness is an unconditional form of love and acceptance.

When we have an unhealthy perception, forgiveness can be interpreted as being weak and is sometimes used as a form of “punishment” towards the other person. Have you ever asked yourself why you find it difficult to forgive? Have you asked yourself why? Why do you put people through a complicated series of emotional ‘punishments’ before forgiving them? Do you even realize if you have difficulty forgiving others indicates you have difficulty forgiving yourself? We are demonstrating that we do not unconditionally love and accept ourselves.

I say this because I had to come to this understanding myself. I had to admit I held on to bitterness and resentment towards others because of how I felt about myself. Being bitter, angry and resentful towards someone… what does it achieve? What are we trying to prove? What are we trying to say? Why waste so much of our lives holding a grudge? Have you ever noticed the person we don’t forgive still goes on living their life regardless? Most of the people we refuse to forgive don’t even know the bounty we’re holding over their head…have you ever thought about it like that? I have… and I gotta tell you, I felt stupid because the truth of the matter is – when we choose not to forgive, the only person we are punishing is ourselves, and all of us deserve better than that… even you!

Related articles

• Forgiving (knowmyworth.com)
• Moving On From the Hurt (readingremy.com)
• Forgiving Yourself (socyberty.com)

Seeking Our Voice, Not Approval

We all have a voice. Every single one of us has convictions, beliefs ,a personality and a mind that is uniquely ours. We are individuals who are often pressured to think, do and act in a specific way. Whether it be social pressure, family pressure or an internal struggle of our own… we all in some way or another cave into what other people want or expect from us.

Sometimes the struggle comes from within – there are some people who feel the need to please their parents, their spouse, their families… their children and in some cases I can respect the decision to take those individuals into consideration – but I learned that sacrificing who we are for the approval of others denies us our voice. I learned that by accommodating people for approval, we devalue ourselves and reveal to others our self-worth. You may not agree with me and I am fine with it but let me share with you why I feel this way.

When I was younger, I always sought my dad’s approval. His approval meant everything to me. I felt that by earning his approval, it meant I made him proud… I made him happy. I did many things to make him take notice and I went out of my way to do things I thought would please him. Unfortunately, I never got the result I so desperately desired. I joined a swim team when I was little because he was in swim team in high school. I played baseball because I thought since he went to all of my brothers games – I could get him to watch me in action. I wanted his cheer, I felt I needed this from him. Instead, all I got were awards and trophies that went unseen. I attended ceremonies by myself … the only child with no parent in sight.

As I grew older, my need for my father’s approval hadn’t escaped me. I still tried but always failed until one day I stopped caring. I stopped trying because I started believing I wasn’t important. If my dad didn’t acknowledge me – why would anyone else? I do admit that I hated my father for this. I hated him so much because I felt as if he hated me. For  many years I wanted to walk up to him and ask him why… why didn’t you come to one game or swim meet? What is it that I have to do to make you proud of me?

Understanding the Importance of Honest, Effective Communication

“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives” - Anthony Robbins

My whole week has focused on the importance of communication. I had a conversation earlier today, so I feel compelled to discuss my thoughts and belief on the importance of effectively communicating with one another. There are a few things I know to be true:

Communication is such a simple concept – in fact we do it all the time. Most of our communication is actually non-verbal, yet we sometimes fail miserably in our lives because we lack the ability to effectively communicate. How many people do you know have suffered a failed marriage, lost a relationship with a child or parent, have difficulty keeping a job or continue to struggle in life because of the inability to communicate?

We cannot expect to reap the benefits of communication if we don’t practice it. Where in our history has there been a successful person who has lacked the ability to communicate? We cannot inspire people if we do not know the basics of communication. Do not limit or give yourself excuses for not knowing how to communicate. Your life does nothing but get better when you truly understand the importance of communication. Once you understand that communication is a responsibility, you will open up new doors in your life.

How much of an impact do you want your life to make in the lives around you? How successful do you want your life to be?  How do the people in your life define you by your ability to communicate? Don’t think that because you have a whole lot to say means anything. Do not misinterpret honest, effective communication… because chances are there will be those who are able to see past the gibberish. A used car sales man can only be heard for a certain amount of time before being seen for who they really are.

Don’t live your life trying to sell yourself off for something you know you are not. You deserve more than that. I believe you are worth more than that. Take time to look inward to see if this is an area you need to improve. Make your life count … don’t let it suffer because of a lack of communication. Learn to be great in all areas of your life because you never know whose watching. We have the opportunity to impact those around us by how we communicate with them – so why not impact them in a positive way?

Finding The Balance

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We come into this world head first and go out feet first; in between, it is all a matter of balance. Paul Boese

One of my favorite movies is The Karate Kid. It has nothing to do with the fact that Daniel LaRusso was my 2nd biggest crush when I was little (Eric Estrada was my first… at age 4 I carried around an old TV Guide with his picture on the cover). Ok… maybe my crush has something to do with me liking that movie but the other reason was … (um, drum roll please)… Mr. Miyagi! I loved Mr. Miyagi. If I had to pick anyone to be my grandpa, it would be Mr. Miyagi!

He seemed to have all the answers for young Daniel-san. Lately, I have been struggling with keeping up with everything. Well, last night as I was trying to figure out how to handle my everyday rituals, I remembered the scene where Mr. Miyagi explained balance… it goes like this: “Lesson not just karate only. Lesson for whole life. Whole life have a balance. Everything be better. Understand?”

Our lives must always be balanced to maintain it’s intended harmony. As difficult as it is, I am aware that I must start speaking an intention of balance into my daily grind. I must include my kids, my husband, myself, my job, my friends and my home so I don’t get lost in the corners of my life. Today, I am going to start making the effort to find my balance. Please wish me luck – I have a feeling it’s not going to go as smoothly as I wish, but I am allowing my apprehension serve as motivation to find that balance. Here I go… there’s no turning back now!

Managing Our Thunder Steal-ers

As we continue to live our lives, we are bound to run into people who seem dead set on making our existence that more challenging. Whether it be the irritating neighbor, the competitive co-worker, the know-it-all sibling, or the degrading relative… we all can relate. My advice to you: Do not let them steal your thunder!! Do not give them the satisfaction! Do not waste your time on someone who has nothing better to do, because chances are – they are unhappy, pathetic, broken individuals who are insecure with themselves. I call them Thunder Steal-ers!

Learning to manage Thunder Steal-ers (difficult people) in your life can open up doors of empowerment. Allow their negativity motivate you to be that much better. Allow their criticism fuel your desire to fulfill your goals that much more. Each time that person goes out of their way to stick it to you, pat yourself on the back because chances are, you are on the right path. You may not think you are able to tolerate that individual much longer, and that’s okay. It’s alright to get frustrated at that person. Allow yourself to feel that frustration, and move on. Do not allow all your negative feelings and emotions boil up inside of you… release the negativity and move forward. Life is too short to stay frustrated and angry…find your happy place!

Related articles

• Don’t B a Peace Stealer!!!!!! (deeperiseencloseribecome2datruth.wordpress.com)

Become A LION!

What is living if we are unable to ask ourselves the uncomfortable questions to our lives? I asked myself the exact same question about 6 years ago. I had spent most of my life avoiding my uncomfortable questions because the truth hurt. I did not want to see myself in that light. I didn’t want to admit what was really going on or why I kept making the same mistakes. I did not want to know… because I already knew. I already knew but was too much of a coward to admit my truth. I had never admitted to myself that I was a coward or afraid – but when I was forced to embrace myself for who I was, something happened. I became the coward on a mission to find courage…and now I am a lion!

I am no longer afraid to ask myself those tough questions anymore because I am a lion with courage! It’s quite liberating and I recommend you do the same. Don’t let your life cause you to walk away because you may not think you have what it takes to answer life’s uncomfortable questions. Do not get in the habit of retreating because you are too ashamed to embrace yourself as you are. Let your weaknesses and shortcomings empower you to embark on your own life mission. Ask yourself the painful questions you never wanted to answer. Ask yourself the questions you know will challenge you to be honest about your life. Ask yourself this – If you can’t be honest with yourself… then how can you expect others to be honest for you? Today, I am asking you to become a courageous lion!

Take Your Time, Do It Right!

Our patience will achieve more than our force. – Edmund Burke

Living our lives patiently requires much wisdom. Are you one of those people who do not know how to wait for the right time? Do you rush through decisions only to admit down the road you should have been a little more patient; you should have waited for a better opportunity. How often do you hear people say they wish they would have waited to get married, took their time selecting a better job, waited just a little more to buy the car they really wanted?

I am not sure why people become impatient, but I can share my excuses. You notice I said excuses rather than reasons? The truth is I have no real reasons for my impatience. I just get anxious and impulsive. I get so anxious; I feel if I do not act immediately it will never happen. I have wanted things so badly there were times when I threw logic out the window. If something didn’t go my way you better believe I did all I could to force it. ‘No’ or ‘later’ was not an option. I have jumped over and through hoops to get what I wanted, only to end up having to admit I made a mistake and should have waited.

I was a hopeless case at one point and the only thing that changed me was the birth of my kids. Becoming a mom became a saving grace for me in many ways because having to be responsible for a little human being made me understand consequences others might have to pay due to my impatience. I could not look myself in the eye if I ever allowed my kids to pay a price for a bad decision they did not make.

Learning patience has given me the understanding that ‘wait’ does not mean it won’t ever happen. Waiting does not mean giving up. Patience means I do not have to force it into existence – the opportunity will come when it’s ready. Most of the time our patience only requires us holding out our hand to receive what was ours all along. There is no forcing; bending, hurdling or jumping through loops required if we learn to be patient. Take the time to plan a little better. Success is not built on how quickly we get things done. Success is a well thought out process that takes TIME. As I said before, if it is meant to be, there is nothing or no one that can manipulate what God and the universe has in store. It is always better to receive when we are ready. You do not have to live your life constantly forcing things into existence – our life journey will carry us there regardless, so learn to take it slow and build your life one stone at a time.